I find it an honor to sit with couples, separated by Death. I get to experience love for another human being, so quickly and so clearly. By connecting to Spirits; I get to share in their deep emotions, and through them; I know what it is like to love their partners. I also know the deep feeling of loss, and the desire to comfort; they also feel. Often Spirits feel moved to encourage the one they love; to move on & find someone else to love. Often that suggestion comes too soon, for the living partner.
When we are the one left living; our Beloved passed into Spirit, the sheer act of living often seems overwhelming. The flood of emotions, threatens to drown us, and we often wish we were dreaming; soon to wake, with life back to normal. With time, we find balance. Our footing gets stronger as months pass, reaching milestones; their birthday, our birthday, Christmas, anniversaries, and finally the day of their death. For most people the first year after loosing one’s Beloved, goes by in a blur of emotions and paperwork. Going out socially; connecting to the world is difficult. But again, time passes and our wounds begin to heal, our heart starts to mend. There is no specific amount of time, appropriate for mourning. Mourning is personal, and takes as much time as it takes.
One thing I do know; is that when we are stuck in mourning, unable to move on…our Beloved Dead remains by our side. It is often the goal of the partner in Spirit, to help heal their living loved one. Healing & moving on, does not have to mean finding another partner; but it does mean allowing yourself the possibility. Most people want companionship, they want to have a special someone they can confide in, and share life’s memories with and our Beloved Dead want us to have it.
I am always reminding people, that if they were the one who had passed first…they would want their Beloved to find partnership again. The problem is we often forget to grant it to ourselves. Somehow we feel that it is more noble for us to stay alone, to honor them and stay connected to them. But in reality, they do not leave us because we find another love. In many ways, love is much less complicated when we no longer have a body and basic needs to fulfill. We can understand that as souls we have the capability to love more then one person. In every day life, it is not that easy; life and emotions often make it difficult to open our hearts to multiple lovers. But in death, there we have a broader view, and a deeper understanding of what it all means. Now that does not mean we have it all figured out, it simply means those pesky, rules of engagement are not as strict.
When we find love for another, after the death of our partner; our heart expands to love more then one. We do not love our Beloved Dead less, instead we learn that love is infinite.
I also would like to point out, that being a widow or widower has it’s own kind of power to it. It’s like you are given a free pass, to continue loving your past, while engaging in a loving relationship with your present. Not many people get to publicly admit to loving someone other then their current partner. When most relationships end, we kind of zip up the remains and stash them in the do not talk about corner of our life. It’s not considered polite to reminisce over the fun things you did with your ex. But, when your partner dies; they are never your ex. They are your past, but it is granted that they will always remain part of your life.
If you are fortunate enough to f