This was not something I came to lightly, but more something that attacked me with flailing arms, & steam coming out of its ears.
By the end of January, I was exhausted, short-tempered and emotionally drained. At first, I didn’t really understand where it was coming from, for my life did not feel or look any different than it normally did; my kids & grandkids were doing well, my home life & personal relationships were good, my businesses were running well. Despite the outer vestige of my life, I was finding it hard to keep my temper in keel, and felt a building desire to just say ‘fuck it, I don’t care what you do’, to most inquiries. Now, this does not mean I was showing my cards to the public, after all, I am a trained professional and I know how to put my stuff away while taking care of business. But, as time went on, I found it harder and harder to ignore the fact that I was short-circuiting. So I did what any good healer would do, I started to investigate the problem.
The answer came quickly; like a poke in the eye, and was not surprising at all…I was simply doing too much, running too fast for too long, and I needed to slow down. This realization brought to mind the old adage ‘Healer, heal thyself’; which speaks to the need for those who care for others to practice self-care. So I made an appointment with my apprentice Vanessa; who runs the Reiki clinic @ my wellness center and began to contemplate how I would cut back on the doing part of my life.
Now the problem with being me, is I invest in everything I take up. Everything I do is important to me. Which means selecting what to let go of, or pass on to others, were difficult questions for me. I generally do not spend much time on things I don’t believe in or value. I knew this was not going to be an easy switch, and that as much as I may want to put the squirrel in a cage it was going to take some time and planning to do so.
I began my transition while visiting family in Florida this last February. Normally when I take my winter jaunt south, I plan on working part-time while there; doing private Seances, and Readings or workshops at stores in the area, weaving my sacred work with my sacred travel together. But this year, I just kept hesitating to book any work, and the closer it came to my departure date the more I started limiting what my work would look like until it finally looked like “I am not working while in Florida this year.”
I have always seen travel as a time to initiate change, as we are away from our paterns, things, and the way others see us. So instead of working for others, I spent the time in the sun working on myself…simply being; taking deep breaths, walking in the green parks, soaking up the sun and enjoying the magic of the water that Tampa Bay had to offer.